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Jan 03, 2015ManMachine rated this title 0.5 out of 5 stars
Glug-Glug-Glug ...&... Gurgle-Gurgle-Gurgle. So, kiddies, how's this for a deliciously riveting opening scene from Waterworld, the $175 million movie-extravaganza? A seriously balding Kevin Costner (as the badass "Mariner") is standing (positioned facing away from the camera) on his drifting trimaran while earnestly pissing away into a large, plastic measuring cup. Following the necessity of this act, Mariner then pours this precious, yellow liquid into a ridiculous, primitive-looking filtering contraption. And once his piss has filtered its way into a waiting container below (are you ready for this?), he greedily grabs up the beaker and downs its contents in one thirsty gulp! (Shlurp! Shlurp! Shlurp! Dee-licious!) In my opinion, this opening, thirst-quenching scene pretty much set the mood for the remainder of Waterworld's predictably tiresome 140-minute running time. Believe me, this 1995, Sci-Fi/Action picture, set in the year 2500, was a total nose-picker from start to finish. The visuals were lousy, the dialogue demented, the battle scenes limp-wristed, and the characters despicable, one and all. It really figures that Costner also served as a co-producer for this "grate-on-your-nerves" piece of junk. Not only was Costner paid $14 million to star as the Mariner, but he also raked in a percentage of Waterworld's gross profits, as well. (This probably didn't amount to a helluva lot, though, since this film (deservedly) bombed, big-time, upon its initial release).